Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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