Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
