The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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