I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
