Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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