Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
