Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
