and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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