My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
