my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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