I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
