I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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