he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
