My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
