even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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