why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
