so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
