We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
