I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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