You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
