the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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