his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
