dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
