I wish my penis had an off switch
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
