do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
