There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
