is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
