you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
