so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
