I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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