He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
