at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My ATM looks so different sober.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
