Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
