Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
