i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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