Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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