Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize