Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
