I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
