his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
