i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just gift wrapped bread.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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