Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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