cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
