So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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