it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
