I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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