member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
