Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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