Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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