How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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